vanessa (prettyxpet) wrote,

As the good times seem to come to an end, you realize there are just more good times to come.

This school year has given me a new outlook on life. I started off first semester hating school just like I did first semester last year. Then I looked around and realized that I was surrounded by amazing people that would be there for me if I ever really needed them to be. And they came through for me as time passed. I started having so much fun, and it never stopped. I started hanging out with Tyler. I knew from the moment I met him he was special. He was different. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. Not just as a boyfriend, but as a person, as a friend. I met some amazing people through him. Gridley, Trav, Lush, Zabba...etc. And yes, I might not ever see them again, or we might stay in touch. But whatever happens in the future, I'll always remember the awesome times we all shared. Snowmobiling and doing donuts in Waterville. Crazy nights at the Breakaway and Gridley's house. Gridley's amazing parents (my main man pete!!). The nights at the dorms when it was just us, and it seemed like nothing else mattered. Crazy nights at the shows and Matty's house. I will never forget them. Maybe it really is time to move on, and I think I'm finally ok with that. But I'll never forget Tyler. He'll always hold a special place in my heart. And all that I can tell him now is that i will always be here to pick him up when he falls, a shoulder to lean on. And I think that shows me how much I grew up this year. Because that is truly caring about someone. Knowing that you cannot be together now, or maybe ever, but really just wanting them to be happy and offerring help. You cant rush people in to decisions about their lives, you cant force them to help themselves. You can only hope that they figure out their life on their own. You can only hope they wont hurt themselves or anyone else, and that in the end, they are truly happy. No matter how much it hurts you, you have to move on and be strong. Keep in touch if you can and they want to, but always hold them close to your heart and remember the good times. Because as the cliche saying goes, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. I grew up this year. I know what real, true love is. I know what real, true friendships are. I cherish the people I have in my life, the people I have met this year. In some way shape or form, they have all helped me get to know myself better, made me stronger, made me happier, and more fullfilled. And I thank every single one of them, especially Tyler. He taught me that I am beautiful, inside and out. He taught me that it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. It's all about how you feel about yourself and the people you keep close to you. Sometimes you have to do you and not worry about anyone else. And I know that even though my time in Utica is coming to an end, I will never forget my experiences here. And I know I have amazing family and friends to go home to. People that will be there for me when I hit rock bottom. That will party it up with me, will laugh at stupid things with me, and will just be good people to have in my life. I love my mom, dad, and brother more than anything in this world. I am so blessed to have them. I am so blessed to have my whole family. Nana, pop, seany, peggy, grandma rose, pop bob, rina, ed, blake, alec, michelle, jo, rylee marie, joey, mara, and isabella. and all of my extended family. they are the most amazing people i have ever met and i love them all with all of my heart. i have become so close with my mother this year and i couldnt ask for anything better. my father and i are so much alike and we never got along when i was in high school, and now i know i can turn to him for anything. and my little brother is such an amazing kid. i wouldnt want any other brother in the world. in spite of the stress of school and loosing my relationship with tyler, i really, for the first time in my life, truly love my life and cherish the fact that i am alive. because everyday you just wake up stronger and learn. learn from your mistakes, learn from other people's mistakes and grow.

i love my life
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